Hitting the Wall

[jaegamer]

I made this graphic, inspired by this cartoon from Something*Positive (warning, NSF language), as a representation of having hit the wall, hard today, with regards to gaming. Which is, as most of you probably know, the general center of my life.

If you're feeling constructive, feel free to offer ideas on re-energizing in the comments.

Also an icon, if you want to nab it for your own LJ.

Below is an extended whine...

It may be the lack of chemicals talking (been off my antidepressant for 3 weeks to prep for a narcolepsy test), but all of a sudden I have just lost the ability to care about any of the games or campaigns I'm involved in. Or the club. I usually care passionately, but suddenly I'm all meh.

As a coordinator for the Dave Arneson's Blackmoor campaign, I'm supposed to go to Orlando for MegaCon in March, but after another round of the Ego that Ate the Southeast, I am dreading it. Why should I spend a significant sum of money to go do something that makes my stomach knot up? For the most part the scenarios have taken a very wargamist/strategic turn,and I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a dull spoon than run 4 hours of pointless combat. Or even 4 hours of combat with a point. Do. Not. Want. And not a good mental framework for someone helping with the heavy lifting of making a campaign run.

As for the club... every month it's the same struggle to get people to step up and pull part of the load, and I just don't know if I've got it in me any more. There are a few people who do step up - I don't want to sell them short - but I'm pretty confident that if I were to walk away it'd fall apart. Last time I did (to run Living Force) the club had 6 members when I returned... I wonder what would happen if I didn't stand for re-election as President this time? Would I be able to stand it?

Meh. Maybe the world will look better tomorrow, or someone will have a brilliant way to re-energize this bunny.

Comments

[holczer13.livejournal.com]

Ok, as one depression sufferer to another: YOU are making decisions while you are un-medicated??? Has this worked well before? If not, then don't do it now. Personally, it sounds like you need to take the narcolepsy test asap, and become re-medicated.

Then, instead of spending stupid $$ to go to MegaCon, you should take the $$ and pick a con in S. California or S. Florida, and go and PLAY. Do not run, do not volunteer, do not pass go, just go and HAVE FUN. Shop at the dealer's tables, buy some sparkly dice, try a board/card/rpg game you always wanted to play but didn't want to buy the stuff for. Just relax, take time for yourself. Remember what it was like to be a "newbie" and just have fun at conventions. Go into the hot tub each nite of that convention and relax. Go sit at the bar and flirt with some hot men(or hot women if that is your cuppa joe). Or, since you will be at a gaming convention after all, flirt with some geeky men. Just take some time for you!

[jaegamer.livejournal.com]

You have a good point - I'm trying to avoid making any non-reversible decisions while I'm this depressed. On the other hand, if I'm going, I need to make a plane reservation soon.

I do need to attend a con again. I've managed to slide back into running stuff at every event.

I do flirt, but alas most of 'em mistake me for Mom. :)

[holczer13.livejournal.com]

From reading the other comments(and your replies) it sounds like you should just "attend" a con and let this other con go(I looked at it via your link, and holy crap, Orlando will be innundated with the geek! Especially the anime fan geek!)

When you do go, and flirt, remember that lipstick and a curling iron(if your hair is long) always help erase the mom image...if you don't like makeup, even just wearing pink/coral/mauve/red/or cinnamon lipstick makes the "mom" factor go away...because no one wants to imagine their mom with pouty lips...LOL...actually, I have a real life friend I wish you could meet, he is single, nice and about your age(born in 1958(or whatever year was sputnik))...and as you can imagine, horribly geeky...a member of mensa...a trivia maven(beyond buff, into nerd zone). If only I could convince him to come to GenCon. Speaking of which, will you be going to that in Indy?

[jaegamer.livejournal.com]

Hmmm... I'm trying to imagine me in lipstick. I think I own some...

Sputnik was '57, and how geeky am I that I know that? I'll be at Origins and Gencon, though I'll be running some stuff I plan to leave the mornings open to sleep and visit the crack...er... dealer's rooms.