Hitting the Wall

[jaegamer]

I made this graphic, inspired by this cartoon from Something*Positive (warning, NSF language), as a representation of having hit the wall, hard today, with regards to gaming. Which is, as most of you probably know, the general center of my life.

If you're feeling constructive, feel free to offer ideas on re-energizing in the comments.

Also an icon, if you want to nab it for your own LJ.

Below is an extended whine...

It may be the lack of chemicals talking (been off my antidepressant for 3 weeks to prep for a narcolepsy test), but all of a sudden I have just lost the ability to care about any of the games or campaigns I'm involved in. Or the club. I usually care passionately, but suddenly I'm all meh.

As a coordinator for the Dave Arneson's Blackmoor campaign, I'm supposed to go to Orlando for MegaCon in March, but after another round of the Ego that Ate the Southeast, I am dreading it. Why should I spend a significant sum of money to go do something that makes my stomach knot up? For the most part the scenarios have taken a very wargamist/strategic turn,and I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a dull spoon than run 4 hours of pointless combat. Or even 4 hours of combat with a point. Do. Not. Want. And not a good mental framework for someone helping with the heavy lifting of making a campaign run.

As for the club... every month it's the same struggle to get people to step up and pull part of the load, and I just don't know if I've got it in me any more. There are a few people who do step up - I don't want to sell them short - but I'm pretty confident that if I were to walk away it'd fall apart. Last time I did (to run Living Force) the club had 6 members when I returned... I wonder what would happen if I didn't stand for re-election as President this time? Would I be able to stand it?

Meh. Maybe the world will look better tomorrow, or someone will have a brilliant way to re-energize this bunny.

Comments

[jaegamer.livejournal.com]

You mean re the club? I've kinda pummeled them, and a few people stepped up (one of whom will probably keep doing stuff, and is running for Treasurer, our almost-always-dumped office), but I've got to do it *every* month. Gah. Nonetheless, it's good to know I'm not alone.

[gentlyepigrams]

What one of my friends said to me is that any decision I made would probably be revisited when I was feeling better. I have SAD, so he meant in the spring, when it's sunny.

I do feel a lot better after core dumping, even a week later.